You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
