Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
