My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
