am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
