He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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