what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
