who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
