I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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