If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
