I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
