Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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