is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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