he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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