My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
