My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
