Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
