how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
