I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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