Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
