Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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