ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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