When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
