matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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