just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sober January is a disaster.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
