Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
