Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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