What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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