I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
