She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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