the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
