Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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