saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
