Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
