I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
