How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
