Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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