Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
