He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Terrible idea I love it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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