When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
