After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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