3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
