I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
