so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
