i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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