All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
