i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
