dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
