I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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