She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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