Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
