4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
