I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
