she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
