I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
