I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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