WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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